Closed Anonymous Cool Random Humor Funny Quotes (English)

[Cartridge]

What do I do for a living? I breathe in and out.

 

[Cartridge]

Why didn't I use my turn signals? It's nobody's business where I'm going.

 

[Cartridge]

Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible?

 

[Cartridge]

Does anyone else have plastic bags full of plastic bags or is it just me?

 

[Cartridge]

Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back, but when you hang out with them they check their phone every minute.

 

[Cartridge]

Life is always rocky when you're a gem.

 

[Cartridge]

I need a timeout. Send me to the beach and don't let me come back until I change my attitude.

 

[Cartridge]

If we shouldn't eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?

 

[Cartridge]

Got a new phone today, my old one failed the swimming test.

 

[Cartridge]

Work is just something I'm doing until I win the lottery.

 

[Cartridge]

I thought about losing weight once, but I don't like losing.

 

[Cartridge]

My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again.

 

[Cartridge]

I didn't mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button.

 

[Cartridge]

I wish my wallet came with free refills.

 

[Cartridge]

I love my six pack so much, I protect is with a layer of fat.

 

[Cartridge]

It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy.

 

[Cartridge]

Don't give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer.

 

[Cartridge]

If you can't laugh at your own problems, call me and I'll laugh at them.

 

[Cartridge]

Happiness does not have a price tag so smile.