Closed Anonymous Cool Random Humor Funny Quotes (English)

[Cartridge]

The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Run!

 

[Cartridge]

Chocolate is great, it gives you energy which can be used to go buy more chocolate.

 

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If you don't cut the cake in pieces and just eat the whole cake, then you only had one piece.

 

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Why must I prove that I am me when I pay bills over the phone? Did some else call to pay my bills, and if they did, why don't you let them?

 

[Cartridge]

That moment when you spell a word so wrong, even auto-correct is like "I've got nothing man."

 

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A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.

 

[Cartridge]

Don't worry about what to wear today, your smile goes with any clothes.

 

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I bet you anything that I can stop ******** right now.

 

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All you have to know about celery is that it's made up of 95% water, and it's 100% not pizza.

 

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Being a beaver is nice, if you're hungry you just eat a piece of your home.

 

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You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here.

 

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Today I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym.

 

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Isn't it funny that the number 2 pencil is the most popular?

 

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Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when I'm with you.

 

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That moment when there's a spider on you, and you suddenly turn into a black belt karate master.

 

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Sorry I didn't pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone.

 

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There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza.

 

[Cartridge]

I'm like Pacman when I'm at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.

 

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I just got off a flight that crossed through five time zones. Does that make me a time traveler?

 

[Cartridge]

Cavities are like parking tickets, they show up by surprise and take all your pocket money.