Trivia Being Clingy

[Kaplok Kaplok]

Here is a sentiment from an actively dating 18 year old guy.

I, 18 M, have noticed a pattern in my relationships with women we would get to know each other we're texting for hours.

We're making jokes we're we're just having a lovely conversation.

Then, the next day we start texting again but with a little lessened engagement and as time goes on the other person just completely stops responding even though we had a lot in common. So i tried to flip the script. Instead of sending good morning texts, I would just text when i have something interesting to say. Instead of giving compliments i would maybe tease in a playful way instead of caring about the other person. I literally didn't give a crap what happens to them, and for some reason, that worked every time I texted them they would reply back pretty much straight away and they would reciprocate the same energy i give.

So what's the point of having a relationship if i can't be interested in the other person for them to be interested in me?

First of all, guy needs a compliment, because he was able to control his emotion and was able to get out of the clingy phase. But he is also getting the wrong idea that: he must be an ass-hole and less caring, for the ladies to stay interested.

This guy's story is not uncommon. Most of us will have an experience of someone losing interest in us due to clinginess. But being clingy is not the opposite of being uncaring. Let us talk about clinginess to have a better view of how to avoid it.

What is wrong about being clingy?

-Being clingy is not wrong because of being caring. What makes it wrong is the indirect demand of reciprocation. People who reject a clingy date likes feeling the care and compliment. But to a certain extent, these expressions will feel like the giver is fishing for reciprocation.

-Being clingy is a product of the urge for instant gratification. As a result, we tend to conclude that the person you expressed your feelings with is not interested, simply because they did not react according to your expectation.

-Like a candle, the excitement and passion in dating burns faster when you overly express them too much in the beginning. Most of the time, the reason that the other person lost interest is not because you are being "too nice", "too caring" or "too expressive" - even if that is what they might truly think. It is, in reality, because we already exhausted everything interesting about us in the beginning, and the partner can't expect anything more from you. Just like a good story that was spoiled to the conclusion before hearing the whole thing.

Now, reading this.. do you have a better idea on how to avoid being clingy? Please share what you learned, or what you already know prior. Let's talk about it.