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Poem #6

MisterSenpai

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Sep 21, 2018
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"Hungry"



When the day before im here today
My experience about life is undescribe
Walking alone from far, far away
My TUMMY uneasy like, can't survive

I admit, I blame our God before that time
I say; "this not fair!" through all i've done
I work hard, harder as I can so far
But I'm still poor, with undesire

A lot of voices, I hear passing by
Different kind of people, don't know "Why"
They aren't know how do I live
Then suddenly, my sadness dissappeared

I started to stand, all alone
With no help from others hand
I deleted all my doubts, myself
Thats my way of success, intend

And now, im proud to shout this out!
That Im the barely Hero, all my life!
Im standing now and stall them all
Those people bring me down that time before



Flash back in my real life:

Sariwa pa nga sa aking isipan. Ang mga nakaraang ako pa'y naghihirap.
Pilit magtrabaho gamit ang pagsisikap Subalit mailap pa rin ang pag-asenso, pagkat ako'y mahirap.
Umabot na sa sukdulan ang aking pagkapagod. Lubos akong nag-isip, at tila nabangongot
Sa sobrang pagkaluhod, ng akingn isipan. Muntikan ko nang wakasan, ang aking paghihirap
Bagamat ako'y muntikan nang magtiwakal. Hanggang sa dumating yung bagay na ako'y naliwanagan
Ang buhay ay masaya, di lang nahahalata. Dahil sa puno ng pighati na ating nadarama.
Huwag sumuko, yan ang aking natutunan. Lahat naman tayo may kanya-kanyang pinagdadaanan
Lahat may kanya-kanyang kuwento; masaya, malungkot o nakakatakot.
Lahat ng ito'y may katuturan. Dahil titibay tayo sa pagiging PALABAN..




-Ateh-
cutemedievil
baguling
 

MisterSenpai

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, Last edited by a moderator:
Ok, atleast put a "d" on the end of it:)
Indeed... thats what im waiting for.. as I expected ^_^
 

cutemedievil

Honorary Poster
Established
, Last edited by a moderator:
Line #2: Yep, put the "d" in there. Right in there!
Line #4: "...,barely survived." is better word choice here.
Line #6: "I said...", pay attention to tenses. :)
Line #7: "I worked hard,..." past tense my dude.
Line #8: "...,with no desires." I think would be better.
Line #11: "They don't know the way I'm living."
Line #14: "With no help from others' hand." Though do put "other's" if you meant to target a singular pronoun.
Line #15: I don't know if "deleted" is the right word choice here, though it works, you can change it to like "removed" or better yet "got rid".
Line #17: When you're referring to yourself e.g I, I'm, I'd, you always use capital "I".
Lines #18 & #19: Apostrophes are powerful. You should make use of it.
Lines #20: "Those people brought me down, many times before." OR "Those people tried bringing me down, many times before."

Milk anyone? :)
 

MisterSenpai

Addict
Established
, Last edited by a moderator:
Line #2: Yep, put the "d" in there. Right in there!
Line #4: "...,barely survived." is better word choice here.
Line #6: "I said...", pay attention to tenses. :)
Line #7: "I worked hard,..." past tense my dude.
Line #8: "...,with no desires." I think would be better.
Line #11: "They don't know the way I'm living."
Line #14: "With no help from others' hand." Though do put "other's" if you meant to target a singular pronoun.
Line #15: I don't know if "deleted" is the right word choice here, though it works, you can change it to like "removed" or better yet "got rid".
Line #17: When you're referring to yourself e.g I, I'm, I'd, you always use capital "I".
Lines #18 & #19: Apostrophes are powerful. You should make use of it.
Lines #20: "Those people brought me down, many times before." OR "Those people tried bringing me down, many times before."

Milk anyone? :)
i did already in my poetry blog would you mind to visit my poetry blog?
You must register or login to view this.

please do... correct me there :) i need you hehehe lol sabay ganun
 

Lightrash

PHC Contributor
Contributor
, Last edited by a moderator:
Line #2: Yep, put the "d" in there. Right in there!
Line #4: "...,barely survived." is better word choice here.
Line #6: "I said...", pay attention to tenses. :)
Line #7: "I worked hard,..." past tense my dude.
Line #8: "...,with no desires." I think would be better.
Line #11: "They don't know the way I'm living."
Line #14: "With no help from others' hand." Though do put "other's" if you meant to target a singular pronoun.
Line #15: I don't know if "deleted" is the right word choice here, though it works, you can change it to like "removed" or better yet "got rid".
Line #17: When you're referring to yourself e.g I, I'm, I'd, you always use capital "I".
Lines #18 & #19: Apostrophes are powerful. You should make use of it.
Lines #20: "Those people brought me down, many times before." OR "Those people tried bringing me down, many times before."

Milk anyone? :)
Got some more milk?:)
 

MisterSenpai

Addict
Established
, Last edited by a moderator:
she means you're improving bit by bit:)
lol to be honest.. if i knew a thing already... i always listening to others opinion still.
I am like a glass. when its full I drop the water and take some to become full ,again..

:)last ko na talaga to mukhang magkakasakit ako sa english 30 mins ko yata tinype tong reply ko wahahahah
 

cutemedievil

Honorary Poster
Established
, Last edited by a moderator:
lol to be honest.. if i knew a thing already... i always listening to others opinion still.
I am like a glass. when its full I drop the water and take some to become full ,again..

:)last ko na talaga to mukhang magkakasakit ako sa english 30 mins ko yata tinype tong reply ko wahahahah
I think an hourglass would fit you better.
 

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