Trivia Victim Mentality

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What is a ‘Victim Mentality’?​

When we have a victim mentality, we see the world through a lens of good versus bad. We are the innocent person, and the bad things are outside of ourselves.

And, most importantly, we believe we are powerless to do anything in the face of all this ‘badness’. That life happens TO us, rather than the idea that we are choosing and creating it in any way.

This means you blame your challenges in life on others around you, even if you can’t prove their negative actions. You might also blame many things on circumstances, which you see as always unfair.

Being a Victim vs Self Pity vs Victim Mentality​

Bad things can certainly happen in life. You might experience a crime, such as fraud, or even sexual assault. Or live through childhood trauma. You are a victim.

In such a case you have every right to feel that things were out of your control, because they were. Any thought that it’s somehow your fault and you are responsible is obviously erroneous thinking.

It’s also perfectly normal to feel sorry for yourself every once in a while. Or feel powerless in the face of a challenge like a bereavement or divorce. This is self-pity.

A victim mentality, on the other hand, means you identify with your status of a victim and become reliant on pity. The trauma didn’t just happen to you, it becomes who you are.

You don’t move on from the trauma but you hold onto it, making it part of your story that you tell again and again. And you become stuck in this mindset.

Why would I choose to always be a victim?​

Constantly acting a victim can actually have a lot of perks. These can look like the following:

• you don’t have take responsibility for things you have the ‘right’ to complain and receive attention
• others feel sorry for you and give you attention
• people are less likely to criticise or upset you
• others feel compelled to help you and do what you ask for
• you can tell stories about the things that happened to you and seem interesting there is no time to be bored because there is so much drama in your life
• you can avoid ever feeling anger as you are too busy being sad and upset.

The Secret Power Behind Being a Victim​

Despite the learned helplessness, victimhood does mean a certain type of power. And that is through attention and sympathy.

Having others feel sorry for you is an unconscious way to manipulate them into meeting your needs and wants. This can be something small, like someone always going to the shops for you. Or can be deeper and more insidious. Your ‘poor me’ act can be used so another is forced to treat you nicely and never yell at you, even if you aren’t being fair. Or keep them so guilty they are unable to walk away from you even if they want to.

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