-simplice-
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A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
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A police officer pulls a man over for speeding. As the officer approaches the car he can see that the man is very anxious about something.
"Good afternoon Sir. Do you know why I stopped you?"
"Yes, officer... I know I was speeding -- but it is a matter of life or death."
"Oh, really? How's that?"
"There's a ***** woman waiting for me at home."
"I don't see how that is a matter of life or death."
"If I don't get home before my wife does, I'm a dead man."
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A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber began to lather his face and sharpen the old straight edge while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes. The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room."
She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that."
The cowboy said, "Tell him you're working overtime and I'll pay you the difference." She said, "You tell him. He is the one shaving you."
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How to learn english:
Dota - british accent ng daughter
persuading - unang kasal
the egg - yung ikaw lamang the egg mo sila
the rich zoo - walang liko liko the rich zoo lang
half day - kapag nilagyan ng ******* yung sugat mo, ma half day
she feel you - tagalog ng toothbrush
=====
Pag sa pagkain
FOODTRIP
Pag sa tawanan
LAUGHTRIP
Pag sa tugtugan
SOUNDTRIP
Pag sa mukha mo
BAD TRIP
=====
ang mga tsismosa,
hindi pa nila alam
ang buong istorya,
pero sa kanila
may ending na.
=====
Wag mong ipagmalaking
maraming naghahabol sayo.
Because cheap items have
more buyers.
=====
=====
A police officer pulls a man over for speeding. As the officer approaches the car he can see that the man is very anxious about something.
"Good afternoon Sir. Do you know why I stopped you?"
"Yes, officer... I know I was speeding -- but it is a matter of life or death."
"Oh, really? How's that?"
"There's a ***** woman waiting for me at home."
"I don't see how that is a matter of life or death."
"If I don't get home before my wife does, I'm a dead man."
=====
A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber began to lather his face and sharpen the old straight edge while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes. The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room."
She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that."
The cowboy said, "Tell him you're working overtime and I'll pay you the difference." She said, "You tell him. He is the one shaving you."
=====
How to learn english:
Dota - british accent ng daughter
persuading - unang kasal
the egg - yung ikaw lamang the egg mo sila
the rich zoo - walang liko liko the rich zoo lang
half day - kapag nilagyan ng ******* yung sugat mo, ma half day
she feel you - tagalog ng toothbrush
=====
Pag sa pagkain
FOODTRIP
Pag sa tawanan
LAUGHTRIP
Pag sa tugtugan
SOUNDTRIP
Pag sa mukha mo
BAD TRIP
=====
ang mga tsismosa,
hindi pa nila alam
ang buong istorya,
pero sa kanila
may ending na.
=====
Wag mong ipagmalaking
maraming naghahabol sayo.
Because cheap items have
more buyers.
=====
