101 of the craziest, strangest, most ridiculous Bible absurdities

[Deleted member 2176153]

In my last article I took a critical look at the teachings of Jesus, in this article I’ll extend that to the Bible itself.
As a reference guide I’ve used The Skeptics Annotated Bible which I highly recommend you check out.
The Bible is a book of claims, not a book of facts. It is not the “word of God” because “God” didn’t write it, men did.
In this article 101 of my favorite absurdities in the supposedly inerrant “word of God” the Bible…

101. God creates light before the sun and stars​

God spends a day making light before making trillions of stars. “He made the stars also.”, and almost as an afterthought, he makes the trillions of stars. You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

100. God gets tired and rested​

God got tired and rested. Even God gets tired sometimes.
“And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made” You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

99. Adam names every animal on earth​

Adam names every animal on earth. God makes the animals and parades them before Adam to see if any would strike his fancy. But none seem to have what it takes to please him. (Although he was tempted to go for the sheep.) After making the animals, God has Adam name them all. The naming of several million species must have kept Adam busy for a while.
“and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field” You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

98. Cain gets a wife from outta nowhere​

Cain is worried after killing Abel and says, “Every one who finds me shall slay me.” This is a strange concern since there were only two other humans alive at the time — his parents! You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.
“And Cain knew his wife.” Except the only woman on earth was Eve his mother. You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

97. Noah had three sons when he was 500 years old​

When Noah was 500 years old, he had three sons. You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

96. God kills all living things because human imagination is evil​

God decides to kill all living things because the human imagination is evil. Later (You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.), after he kills everything, he promises never to do it again because the human imagination is evil. Go figure. You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

95. God repents that he made man​

“And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And it repented the LORD that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart” You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

94. God kills everything to make the world less violent​

God was angry because “the earth was filled with violence.” So he killed every living thing to make the world less violent. You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

93. 50, 000-millions of animals boarded Noah’s ark on the same day​

All of the animals boarded the ark “in the selfsame day.” You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.
Noah, a 500 year old man told millions of animals onto the ark, or according to Christian apologists only 20, 000-50, 000
“However, this response requires creationists to believe that just 16,000 animals developed into billions of species in less than 4000 years” – RationalWiki
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92. God enslaves the Jews (his chosen people) for 400 years​

Why would God enslave the jews (his chosen people) for 400 years? You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

91. The Sodomites want to have *** with angels​

The two angels that visit Lot wash their feet, eat, and are sexually irresistible to Sodomites. You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

90. Lot offers his ****** daughters to the mob to do what you like with them (instead of having *** with the angels)​

Lot offers his two ****** daughters to the perverted mob, so they won’t rape the angels.
“Look, I have two daughters who have never slept with a man. Let me bring them out to you, and you can do what you like with them” You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

89. Lots wife is turned into a pillar of salt for looking back​

Lot’s wife looks back, and God turns her into a pillar of salt. You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

88. Lots daughters get him drunk and then have *** with him, and get impregnated by him​

Lot’s daughters get him drunk and then have *** with him and get impregnated so that they will preserve the family line You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

87. Jacob wrestles with God and wins​

God must not be very strong… Jacob wrestles with god and wins You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

86. The whole world came to Egypt to buy corn from Joseph​

“All countries came into Egypt to Joseph for to buy corn.”
The Aztecs, the Chinese, and the Indigenous Australians all came to Joseph to buy grain. You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

85. The Israelite population went from 70 to several million in a few hundred years​

The Israelite population went from 70 to several million in a few hundred years. You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now., You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now., You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now., You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

84. God has a heart to heart with Moses through a burning bush​

God has a long heart-to-heart talk with Moses through a burning bush. You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

83. God shows Moses magic tricks​

God tells moses to throw his rod on the ground, it then becomes a snake. Then grab the snake by the tail and it will become a rod again. Next, make your hand appear leprous, and then cure it. And finally, pour water on the ground and it will turn into blood. You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

82. God decides to kill Moses because his son wasn’t *********ed​

Lucky his Egyptian wife took a sharp stone and cut off the foreskin of her son You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

81. Moses and Aaron turn the Nile river into blood​

“The fish that was in the river died; and the river stank, and the Egyptians could not drink of the water of the river; and there was blood throughout all the land of Egypt” You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

80. God sends plagues so people can get to know him better​

“I will send the full force of my plagues against you and against your officials and your people, so you may know that there is no one like me in all the earth” You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.
Why does God send plagues? So that people can get to know him better.

79. The plague of Locusts are so thick that they cover the whole face of the earth​

“They shall cover the face of the earth, that one cannot be able to see the earth” You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now. (Even over Antarctica?)

78. God travels in a cloud by day and a fire by night​

“The LORD went before them by day in a pillar of a cloud, to lead them the way; and by night in a pillar of fire, to give them light; to go by day and night” You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

77. God divides the sea with a blast of his nostrils​

That’s one powerful sneeze… You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

76. Moses, Aaron, and seventy of their companions see God​

Moses, Aaron, and seventy of their companions saw God. (They even got a peek at his feet!) You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

75. Whoever uses God’s favorite perfume will be exiled​

Don’t use God’s favorite perfume You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

74. God repents of the evil he thought of doing to his people​

“And the Lord repented of the evil which he though to do unto his people.” You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

73. Moses doesn’t eat food or drink water for 40 days and 40 nights​

“He was there with the Lord forty days and forty nights; he did neither eat bread, nor drink water” You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

72. 70 people became several million in less than 40 years during the Exodus​

Seventy people (You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now., You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.) became several million in less than forty years during the Exodus. You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.
The Israelite population went from seventy (You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.) to several million (over 600,000 ãdül† males) in 400 years. You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now., You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

71. What to do if you sin without knowing it​

If you sin without knowing that you’ve done anything wrong, kill an unblemished ram for God You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

70. Balaam talks to a Donkey and an Angel​

The donkey said to Balaam, “Am I not your own donkey, which you have always ridden, to this day?” You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

69. God has the strength of a Unicorn​

“God brought him forth out of Egypt; he hath as it were the strength of an unicorn: he shall eat up the nations his enemies, and shall break their bones, and pierce them through with his arrows” You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

68. God’s advice: “*********e the foreskin of your heart”​

Here is some good advice from God: “*********e the foreskin of your heart.” You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

67. You can’t go to church if your testicles are damaged, or if your ***** has been cut off​

“He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the Lord” You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

59. God doesn’t want to step in your shit​

God gives us instructions for defecating. He says to carefully cover up all feces “for the Lord walketh in the midst of thy camp.” (You wouldn’t want the divine foot to step in your shit, would you?) You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

58. God can’t defeat chariots of iron​

“The Lord … could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley, because they had chariots of iron.” You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

57. Talking trees​

“The trees said to the fig tree, Come thou, and reign over us” You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

56. Samson catches 300 foxes, ties their tails together, and sets them on fire​

Samson catches 300 foxes, ties their tails together, and sets them on fire; the Philistines burn Samson’s ex-wife and father-in-law; and Samson smites them “hip and thigh with a great slaughter.” You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

55. Samson kills 1, 000 men​

“The spirit of the Lord came mightily upon” Samson and “he found a new jawbone of an ass … and took it, and slew 1000 men therewith.” You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

54. An abused prostitute gets gang raped by a gang of perverts, then dies, then gets cut up into twelve pieces​

After taking in a traveling Levite, the host offers his ****** daughter and his guest’s concubine to a mob of perverts (who want to have *** with his guest). The mob refuses the daughter, but accepts the concubine and they “abuse her all night.” The next morning she crawls back to the doorstep and dies. The Levite puts her dead body on an ass and takes her home. Then he chops her body up into twelve pieces and sends them to each of the twelve tribes of Israel. You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.
“I took my concubine, and cut her in pieces, and sent her throughout all the country.” You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

53. God gives bad advice leading to the deaths of 18, 000 Israelites (after 22, 000 had just been killed)​

After 22,000 Israelites were killed by the Benjamites, they cry all day before the Lord. Then they ask God (again) if they should go to war against Benjamin. God said yes, so they try it again, and another 18,000 Israelites are killed. You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

 

[OrangeMoon]

Interesting
My only issue is, maybe these can be phrased better to encourage healthy discussion

 

[Deleted member 2176153]

Interesting
My only issue is, maybe these can be phrased better to encourage healthy discussion

ok thanks for advice

 

[OrangeMoon]

ok thanks for advice

Keep it up BTW

 

[plhbg1]

finally someone is doubting everything which leads to examining closely a very good scientific attitude

 

[Ko Munyeong]

finally someone is doubting everything which leads to examining closely a very good scientific attitude

Ala namang scientific sa post. Sinabi lang na absurd. Ni wala ngang paliwanag bakit absurd. In short nanira lang nang walang paliwanag kung bakit absurd yung mga nabanggit niya

 

[plhbg1]

Ala namang scientific sa post. Sinabi lang na absurd. Ni wala ngang paliwanag bakit absurd. In short nanira lang nang walang paliwanag kung bakit absurd yung mga nabanggit niya

ehehe ipinaliwanag niya kung anu anung nga absurd things sa opening post boss, title lang ata nabasa mo hehe

 

[Ko Munyeong]

ehehe ipinaliwanag niya kung anu anung nga absurd things sa opening post boss, title lang ata nabasa mo hehe

Bigay ka nga example mo na tingin mo tama sa post na yan. Puro out of context ang tirada eh.

Example:
100. God gets tired and rested
God got tired and rested. Even God gets tired sometimes.
“And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made” Genesis 2:2

Wala naman sinabing naging tired si God sa verse. Sabi lang he rested. Asan yung tired diyan?

 

[reformedbonhidalgo]

Bigay ka nga example mo na tingin mo tama sa post na yan. Puro out of context ang tirada eh.

Example:
100. God gets tired and rested
God got tired and rested. Even God gets tired sometimes.
“And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made” Genesis 2:2

Wala naman sinabing naging tired si God sa verse. Sabi lang he rested. Asan yung tired diyan?

Hayaan mo na yan.. They will be accountable to God when the proper time comes. We don't need to defend God. Instead, just counter it with the truths about God.

You do not have permission to view the full content of this post. Log in or register now.

And just as it is appointed for man to die once, and after that comes judgment, so Christ, having been offered once to bear the sins of many, will appear a second time, not to deal with sin but to save those who are eagerly waiting for Him.

 

[plhbg1]

Bigay ka nga example mo na tingin mo tama sa post na yan. Puro out of context ang tirada eh.

Example:
100. God gets tired and rested
God got tired and rested. Even God gets tired sometimes.
“And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made” Genesis 2:2

Wala naman sinabing naging tired si God sa verse. Sabi lang he rested. Asan yung tired diyan?

in science boss, the light is always coming from a source, you can't have light in science without a source

 

[Asherah Goddess]

Bigay ka nga example mo na tingin mo tama sa post na yan. Puro out of context ang tirada eh.

Example:
100. God gets tired and rested
God got tired and rested. Even God gets tired sometimes.
“And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made” Genesis 2:2

Wala naman sinabing naging tired si God sa verse. Sabi lang he rested. Asan yung tired diyan?​

Iisa lang ang napansin ko. Masyadong "literal" mag-interpret. Sa bible din ay "literal" mag-interpret. I have a feeling din na ang concept of God din is "literal din ang pagkaka-interpret" like for example one hundred percent na lalake and then meron din balbas na taga-parusa sa nilalang. Natural , ang tao ay nagpapahinga dahil pagod na po siya. Si God ay maraming ginawang activities sa kaka-create ng mundo at the reason why nag-rest na po siya dahil napagod. Pati pa naman na "literal" na salitang "tired" ay hahanapin pa ba sa bible verse? Wala lang.

Ayun ang sabi. "God ended his work which he made" daw and he rested. Meaning pagod na siya nun. Bakit pa naman ang literal na "tired" ay hahanapin pa? Grabe naman iyan.

Ito a. Galing sa "work" , uuwi sa bahay , mag-rerest na ang tao mismo. Bakit siya mag-rerest? Siyempre , pagod. Pati pa naman salitang literal na "tired" ay hahanapin pa talaga.

No offence. Feeling ko na maka-bibliolatry na ang ganyan. Unconciously , parang ganun nga. Bibliolatry means an excessive adherence to the literal interpretation of the Bible


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