Trivia How Childhood Affect Our Love Style

[Professora Akira]

Our childhood affect us in many ways such us how we react on things,ouf self beliefs ,the way we expressed ourselves and other form as early as we can make sense of our environment.Based on our upbringing we have different love styles.


The Pleaser
-grow up around critical and overprotective parents.
-grow up trying to be good and do their best behavior in order not provoke their parents.

• never received comfort but always try to comfort the reactive parent.
• can't handle conflicts and maybe dishonest,just to avoid confrontations.

Once they feel like they're letting their partners down,they have breakdown and flee from relationship.They spread themselves thin and trying to please everyone-even when its unrealistic.

For pleaser to build a healthy relationship,they have to be honest about their feelings and create boundaries rather than doing what everyone expects.

The Victim
they grow up in a chaotic home.
-compliant by doing everything possible to take away attention from themselves.
-build an imaginary world in their heads to cope with danger they grew up in.
-they have low self steem,struggling with anxiety and depression.
-end up with controlling people who mirror their parents behavior.
used to chaos that once they experience a peaceful relationship,the calmness makes them uneasy.

To enjoy a healthy relationship,the victim needs to learn to love themselves and stand up for themselves instead of letting people walk over them.

The Controller
-grew up in a home with no protection and they had to stand up for themselves.
-they try to feel in control always to make up the vulnerability they experienced in their childhood frol being exposed.
-They believe they're in control when they can avoif negative feelings of fear,humiliation and helplessness.
-they use anger as a means to remain in power.
-they don't easily leave their comfort zone as it makes them weak and unprotected.
-they prepare to solve problems on their own

They can form stable relationships by letting go.Trusting each other and controlling their anger.

The Vaccilator
-grow up with unpredictable parents and learned that their needs are not their parents top priority.
-mostly developed a fear of abandonment because they had no consistent affection from their parents.
-in adulthood,they try to find a deep love they missed as children
-they idealize new relationship and once they feel let down,they grow doubtful.
-feel more emotional stress because of sensitivity.
-can detect when people starts to pull away

To enjoy a healthy relationship ,they need to learn to know people before committing to avoid getting hurt when expectations are not met.

The Avoider
-grow up in less affectionate home that values independence and self reliance
-they learn to take care of themselves early.
-more logical than emotional
-they feel uncomfortable when people around them experience mood swings.

To cultivate healthy relationship,they need to open up and honestly express their opinions.



excerpt from Growthclinic(Tochukwu)