#joketaym

Hehehe. Tamaan na ang matamaan :p

Teacher: Juan , what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? Juan: A TEACHER MAAM Teacher: :vamp:

Teacher: Juan what is the chemical formula for water? Juan: H I J K L M N O Teacher: What are you talking about? Juan: Yesterday you said H to O. Teacher: :nailbiting:

Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America Maria: Here it is! Teacher: Correct! Now class who discovered America? Class: Mariaaa! Teacher::cry:

Teacher: How old is your father? Kid: He is 6 years Teacher: What?? How is this possible? Kid: He became father only when i was born :) Teacher::shifty:

NARS : Duktor, bakit nyo tinanggihan yung pasyente kanina? DUKTOR : Saan?, sa Delivery room? NARS : Hindi, yung nasa Receiving room. DUKTOR : Ahhh, yung bakla’. NARS : Opo, Baka sabihin may discrimination tayo, porke bakla siya. DUKTOR : Nakuuu!, ano naman ang raraspahin ko sa kanya? Nars...

Teacher : Use the word "beautiful" in a sentence? Student : "My teacher is beautiful, isn't she?" Teacher : Thank you, it's very flattering. Now, translate it in Tagalog. Student : "Ang guro ko ay maganda, maganda nga ba?" Teacher: :shifty:

Misis: Hon, anung gift mo sa akin sa silver anniversary natin? Mister: Dadalhin kita sa China. Misis: Wow, ang sweet naman. Eh, sa golden anniversary natin? Mister: Susunduin na kita. :)

Pare: Ang galing ng nabili kong hearing aid. Hi tech at ang lakas ng dating! Kumpare: Magkano ang bili mo? Pare: Oo, kanina lang Kumpare: Hi-tech nga. Hahahaha!

Madre: Baka magbunga ang pagkakasala natin, Padre. Natatakot ako... Padre: Ipaubaya natin ang lahat sa nasa itaas. Di nya tayo pababayaan. -Sakristan: Hoy, huwag niyo akong idamay jan naglilinis lang ako ng kampana dito sa itaas! Hahaha!

Juan: Nang girlfriend ko pa lang ang misis ko ang tawag ko sa kanya ay Darna dahil seksi sya. Ngayon ang tawag ko sa kanya ay Dorna. Pedro: Bakit Dorna? Juan: Kasing lapad na kasi siya ng DOOr namin :) - Ngek! Hehe!

Mister: Hon, anung ulam natin? Misis: Andyan sa mesa, pumili ka. Mister: Hon, sardinas lang ang andito. Anu bang pagpipilian ko? Misis: Pumili ka kung kakain, o magrereklamo ka! Mister: Kakain kaya ako. I love you Hon :) -Hahaha!

Gf: Binabalaan kita, malapit nang dumating ang Daddy ko! Bf: Ha, eh wala naman akong ginawang masama ah? Gf: Oo nga, kaya kung may binabalak ka gawin mo na. Bf: Olrayt. (y)(y)

Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here." -Hahaha.

3 drunk guys entered a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd...

Funny Joke Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning. Ops! Haha!

70 ways to make a woman happy: Number 1 is shopping. And the rest is 69. Haha. I totally disagree to this. :p

my mom still thinks that LOL means lots of love. she sent me a message saying: Your grandad has just died, LOL :nailbiting::p

Reporter: Any similarities between Jose Rizal, Andres Bonifacio and Ninoy Aquino? Erap: All I know is that they all died during a holiday! That’s all I know… :) Haha. Erap for President!

A man carrying 6 babies in a train. A lady sitting next to him asked,"are these ur babies? "No I'm a ****** salesman & these are Customer Complaints.. -Hehehe..

Wife: honey I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear! Husband: kitchen, living room, dinning room, patio Wife: :cry: ...hahahhaha

Girl: Baby I am wet. Boy: Want a paper towel? Girl: No, I want more than that Boy: Want 2 paper towels? Girl: No, baby I want something big and round Boy: Damn you want the whole roll? -Ops. Hehehe..

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up. "Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?" "Wrong number," replied the girl. -Grabe naman hehehe...

Man: I could go to the end of the world for you. Woman: Yes, but would you stay there? Man: I offer you myself. Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts. Man: I want to share everything with you. Woman: Let's start from your bank account. Hahaha. Tama :p

A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi. B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi. Hehehe! Sabagay.

Isang araw sumakay ng Bus si Lola Konduktor: Lola psensiya na po kasi puno na! Payag po ba kayo ng Patayo? Lola: Tinamaan ka ng Lintek kung inabot mo lang ang kabataan ko, kahit patuwad payag ako! -Hahaha! Nganga ang konduktor.

GF Umiiyak: Bakit natin ginawa ito? Hindi na ako ****** at dalawang beses pa natin ginawa. BF: Ano? Isang beses lang naman, ah. GF: Bakit, hindi ba natin uulitin mamaya? :) Hahaha. Excited si ate.

Two wives are buying of gulay in the local market. Wife 1: You know mare, whenever I see a potato naaalala ko ang itlog ng mister ko. Wife 2: Bakit??? Ganyan ba kalaki??? Wife 1: Hindi, ganyan kadumi!!! Naku. Kailangan ng steel brush yan. Hahaha

Mag-asawa naguusap... Husband: dear, puwede ka ba ngayon? Wife: di ako pwede, pagod ako! Husband: Is that final?! Wife: FINAL!!! Husband: okay, can I phone a friend?! Hahaha! Patay si mister.

Kapag ang palda ng babae ay may hati sa likod, ang ibig niyang sabihin ay, “Halika, sundan mo ako!” Kapag ang hati ng palda ay nasa gilid, “Halika, tabihan mo ako.” Kapag ang hati ng palda ay nasa harap, “Halika, pumasok ka!” Hahaha. Grabe buti nalang hindi ako mahilig magpalda.

Apo: Lola bat ang tagal mo. Lola: Muntik na ako marape kanina sa kanto. Buti nalang may pera ako. Apo: Binigay mo ang pera? Lola: Hindi. Nagmotel kami. Nakakahiya kaya sa kanto. :D hehehe! Laughtrip.

Image by oblivion25 posted Jan 7, 2016 at 3:49 PM Hehehe!!