As a marriage counselor, I see a lot of couples who come to me with sexual problems in their relationship. The stories that couples tell me about their sexual difficulties vary, but most of them go something like this: He wants more *** and she doesn’t. He says he needs *** to feel close and she doesn’t see why her snuggling, cuddling and stuff she does around the house doesn’t do it for him. She says she needs to feel close first to have *** and he doesn’t see why *** doesn’t help her to feel close.
At the end of the day, she doesn’t see why *** is so important to him, anyway. There are so many other things they do together as a couple that makes their relationship great that *** shouldn’t be as much of a priority. But after a while, she begins to wonder if there’s something wrong with her for not wanting *** and he also begins to wonder if something’s wrong with him for wanting *** as much as he does. So the couple goes on like this, both wondering if something is wrong with them or the other one, and they grow more and more frustrated and distant. So it’s no wonder that many couples, and women especially, wonder if *** really is necessary for a happy marriage because it seems to just cause more problems. If he could just learn to do without, the problem would be solved. (You can read another great article with 6 tips for talking to your husband about ***.)
*** is vitally important in marriage The only thing you uniquely share with your spouse that you don’t share with anyone else is ***. So *** is the only thing that sets you and your spouse apart from simply being roommates. It’s a vital part of marriage.
Not only does *** set you and your spouse apart from simply being roommates, it also requires a deeper level of communication that you don’t normally do with just anyone. *** requires you to talk to each other about intimate, emotional things. For example, to have a truly intimate experience with your spouse, you need to tell your spouse where you like to be touched, and make requests for certain things. This requires that you both feel a comfort level with each other that you’ve never felt with anyone else before. It requires you to both become very vulnerable by asking, receiving and giving sexually. And it requires you to reach a deeper level of trust that your spouse will respond to your requests without judgment.
*** also creates passion and a unique connection To be able to talk to your spouse in this kind of vulnerable, intimate way creates a unique connection that you simply can’t have with anyone else without becoming sexual. This kind of intimate talk and physical touch creates passion in your relationship, too. It tells your spouse you think of him or her as more than just a friend. You think of your relationship as something deeper. This unique connection that lovers have creates vibrance, passion and romance between the two of you that you can’t create in any way other than sexually.
When couples come to me for counseling about their sexual difficulties, they’re sometimes surprised that I don’t focus on technique or the number of times that they engage in *** in a week. Whether they have *** two times a week or 10 times a week is irrelevant. What’s more important is that *** becomes an intimate and connecting experience for both of them. If this isn’t happening, then the marriage isn’t really happy. So instead of couples arguing about *** and creating more distance, couples need to learn to really talk and communicate about ***. They also need to be open to hearing what their spouse wants, feels and needs. This is not only a recipe for great *** but a great marriage as well
