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Tutorial How to Handle Jealousy

Discussion in 'Lifestyle & Healthy Living' started by kline achxyl, Mar 27, 2016.

  1. kline achxyl

    kline achxyl Addict Established

    Jealousy can ruin your peace and end relationship; it can also be a signal to you that it's time to make a change. Rather than letting jealousy infect your relationship with others, use its appearance as a reason to better understand yourself. If you are having to deal with the jealousy of others, draw clear boundaries and protect yourself.
    Handling Your Own Jealousy
    Understand the emotion of jealousy.Jealousy is a complex emotion that can include many others: fear, loss, anger, envy, sorrow, betrayal, inadequacy, and humiliation. If you are feeling jealous, understand that there are many other emotions that can occur with jealousy, but jealousy might be the emotion you notice first. Spend time thinking through your emotions.
    • Write out how you feel. If you are a visual person, make a chart or a drawing that represents all the different emotions you feel and their connection to jealousy.
    • Notice the way your body is registering your emotions. Fear sometimes feels like a dropping or clutching sensation in your chest and stomach, while anger often manifests itself as a burning, tight sensation in your head and arms. 2016-03-27_11.35.44.jpg
    Tackle your feelings. Learn to question your jealousy every time that it emerges. For example, say to yourself: "Is this jealousy because I feel afraid or angry? Why am I feeling fear or anger here?" When you begin to question what makes you jealous in the moment, you can begin to take positive steps to manage the feelings constructively, without the cloud of negative emotion that typically accompanies jealousy. 2016-03-27_11.37.36.jpg
    Get to the root of your jealousy. It can be hard to admit that you are having negative feelings, and it might be tempting to blame them on another. Avoid this by taking a compassionate look at your own jealousy. Look at all the emotions you feel within your jealousy, and think about a cause for each of them. For instance, if you feel jealous of your partner's friend, think of all the ways those emotions might fit in a sentence. You might feel fear because you don't want to lose your partner (and perhaps because you have lost a partner in the past), sorrow at the thought of the loss, a sense of betrayal because you feel your partner owes you full attention, and a sense of inadequacy because you aren't sure you're worthy of love.
    • Write down memories that may have aggravated these feelings. For instance, you may feel fear at losing your partner because your last breakup was really painful, and you're frightened of going through a similar experience. You may feel unworthy of love because you had a neglectful parent. 2016-03-27_11.43.03.jpg
    Choose to believe. Trust the people you love. Choose trust over distrust. Unless you have hard evidence that someone lies to you, trust. Do not go snooping for evidence, but take your loved one at his or her word. Jealousy can hurt your relationship only if you bury it and blame your feelings on others. 2016-03-27_11.45.50.jpg
    Apologize and explain. Say something like: "I'm sorry for bothering you about your friendship with J. It's not that I don't trust you—I was just feeling insecure. Thank for listening to me." This will often be sufficient to give both of you the space to discuss what has just taken place––recognition of your insecurities and the need to be more open together about what you're going through. 2016-03-27_11.48.57.jpg
    Open up about your jealousy. Sharing your true feelings with your friend or partner can help you build a stronger relationship. It will also empower him or her to point out when you make unreasonable jealous demands. Though it can be vulnerable to admit to feelings of jealousy, a relationship built on honesty is going to be stronger than one built of subterfuge.
    • Avoid passing on blame to the other person. He or she did not cause your feelings, and you alone are responsible for your behavior.
    • Stick to "I" statements rather than saying anything that smacks of "you make me feel…" Instead of saying, "You shouldn't have done that," say, "I feel terrible when we're in a public space and I can't communicate how I feel to you."
    • Be aware that how you perceive situations may be completely at odds with how the other person saw them. Commit to listening when your partner speaks, even if you disagree. 2016-03-27_11.53.33.jpg
    Get help. If you have physically harmed, yelled at, berated, or stalked your partner, separate yourself from them immediately and get professional help. Ask your doctor for a referral to see a therapist or take an anger management class.
    JamesQ likes this.
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