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Trivia 6 Keys To Forgive and Move On

Discussion in 'Lifestyle & Healthy Living' started by queencee, Jan 13, 2016.

  1. queencee

    queencee Forum Expert Established

    [​IMG] "It's hard to feel happy when you're carrying around anger and resentment," says Andrea Brandt, PhD, MFT, a Santa Monica, CA–based psychotherapist and author of Mindful Anger. "The act of forgiving can turn something negative into a powerful, life-changing experience."
    1.First, focus on what it means to forgive. Forgiveness is not an apology, and it's not a pardon for your friend or a family member's bad behavior. "Forgiveness is just accepting what happened," Brandt says. "It's acknowledging and owning your feelings, and then letting them go." It's important to think of forgiveness as something you're doing for yourself, not for the person who hurt you, she says.
    2.Recognize whether you're ready to let go.
    Trying to force yourself into a hasty reconciliation is a bad idea. "You need time to fully experience, examine, and release all the emotions you're feeling," Brandt says. That might take 2 months or 2 years. How will you know you're ready? "Trust your body," she advises. "Visualize what you would say, and if that makes you tense or upset—or like you want to throw up—you're not ready to forgive." 3.Now, forgive yourself.
    More often than not, both people involved in a fight said or did things that contributed to the fallout, Brandt says. In those situations, the biggest barrier to forgiveness can be feelings of shame or embarrassment at your own actions. "Sometimes you have to forgive yourself before you can forgive the other person," she explains. "That means coming to terms with the fact that no one is perfect—not even you—and that we all make mistakes."
    4.Forgiveness doesn't have to be spoken.
    In some cases—lots of them, actually—trying to talk through your dispute or saying the words "I forgive you" is only going to reignite the fire of your old argument, Brandt says. In those cases, forgiveness may be something you silently acknowledge to yourself, and then demonstrate through your actions. Maybe you don't avoid her the next time you're in the same room. Or maybe you offer to pick him up at the airport. "Sometimes it's better just to move on and not to revisit," Brandt adds.
    5.But other times, you've gotta talk it out.
    If you know you won't be able to let go and move on without hearing an apology—or at least a better explanation—then at some point you'll need to sit down and hash things out with the other person, Brandt says. When you're emotionally ready to go through with this—again, trust your body, she says—be sure to focus what you say on your own feelings or behaviors, not the other person's. "Stick to 'I feel' statements, not 'you did' statements," she advises. "If you only talk about how you feel or why you did what you did, you'll stay away from accusations or assigning blame, which can make the other person defensive and trigger arguments." 6.Finally, establish boundaries.

    Forgiving someone doesn't mean going back to the way you used to be, Brandt says. After all, how you used to be led to your big blowup. For that reason, it's important to establish rules or set boundaries that will keep you from slipping back into acrimony. Maybe that means limiting the amount of time you spend with the person, or avoiding certain situations or activities that you know could spell trouble. "I had a friend who told me he could only spend 20 minutes with his brother, because beyond that they'd argue," she says. Whether you avoid drinking alcohol or discussing certain topics with the person, "setting those kinds of boundaries is a good idea," she adds. [​IMG]
    EARZE, Pinknots, vault09 and 2 others like this.
  2. PurpleFox makakatulong to sa pag move on mo pare
    queencee likes this.
  3. Thanks Po (y)
    queencee likes this.
  4. queencee

    queencee Forum Expert Established

    hostreplica you are most welcome.
    vault09 and hostreplica like this.
  5. Ako_ay

    Ako_ay Forum Veteran Established

    Sige move on napo tayo. Next trivia please? Hehehe
    queencee likes this.
  6. _TURBO_

    _TURBO_ Forum Veteran Established

    (y)Sistah thanks for the share:love:
    queencee likes this.
  7. queencee

    queencee Forum Expert Established

    _TURBO_ you are most welcome sistah.
    vault09 and _TURBO_ like this.
  8. Thanks for Sharing :D
    queencee likes this.
  9. queencee

    queencee Forum Expert Established

    kaeL24 you are most welcome.
    vault09 likes this.
  10. EARZE

    EARZE PHC Contributor Established

    Thanks and keep sharing boss.. (y)
    queencee likes this.
  11. queencee

    queencee Forum Expert Established

    EARZE your positivity is gladly appreciated.
    vault09 likes this.
  12. (y)
  13. jjarongay

    jjarongay Forum Veteran Established

    Thanks for sharing ts (y)
    queencee likes this.
  14. queencee

    queencee Forum Expert Established

    jjarongay you are most welcome.
    vault09 likes this.
  15. Thanks for sharing :)
  16. queencee

    queencee Forum Expert Established

    jmarprinz you are most welcome.
    vault09 likes this.
  17. vault09

    vault09 Honorary Poster Established

    Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness. T.S.,you inspire, thank you for sharing
    queencee likes this.
  18. queencee

    queencee Forum Expert Established

    vault09 your comment is also moving, thank you so much for the appreciation. More power to you also idol.
    vault09 likes this.
  19. forgiveness is one of the key to a true happiness. :cat:
    vault09 and queencee like this.
  20. queencee

    queencee Forum Expert Established

    Soul Surfer I couldn't agree with you more. Your comment is simply true sistah:)
    vault09 likes this.
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