J
Jeanh
Guest
Men, love and Relationships
Walking with a man is one of the most pleasurable journeys to go on but it takes work. All relationships take work. A relationship is like a garden it cannot flourish when you are not weeding, fertilizing and watering it.
I believe that as women we have been deceived by television programs, movies, magazines, books, songs and social media into believing that relationships are meant to be fairytales. Its not a Mills and Boon book, or Cinderella happily ever after story. Its real people, real issues.
Love to the majority of us is being completed or rescued by a man; or being materially taken care of and romanced; we naively believe that it all leads to him popping the big question and wearing the wedding dress. This love that I have just described has disappointed a lot of us women. Men have rescued us then dumped us, romanced us then dropped us back to reality, promised us marriage and left us with promise ring and as single moms. Why? Perhaps it’s the lies we have believed about relationships, love and romance.
Myth 1: Love is romance
Truth: Love is patient, kind, it is not self-seeking, always hopes and always perseveres 1 Corinthians 13 v4-7
Here is what I gleaned from the oxford and dictionary;
Romance:
a): to give special attention to (someone) in order to get something that you want from that person
b): to talk about something in a way that makes it seem better than it really is
When a men is interested in a relationship with you he starts by getting flowers, writing love letters, buying gifts, and the candle lit dinners as part of the romance. Too often when you agree to date him, then it all abruptly stops, then you start complaining and feeling like things have changed and the arguments start, but the truth is he didn’t change he got what he wanted and that’s what romance by definition is. You are simply now in the real relationship phase.I am not saying that men should not do any of this as a sign of appreciation but I am saying you must understand that it is not what constitutes the relationship or love.
Santa doesn’t exist, and when we tell our children that they get heartbroken but they seize to care once they realize that regardless of whether he exists or not they still get presents on Christmas. Likewise I am asking us as women to accept that romance is not what makes a relationship but we can still get the flowers and special occasion gifts.
Tell me if the man sent you flowers every day or sent you love notes every other day what would it do? Would it make you more prayerful? No! Would it make you win more would for the kingdom? No. Would it even draw you closer to God? No. In all truth all it would do is it would make you daydream about him more and walk around feeling good for that day.
Myth 2: A man completes me
Truth: A man complements you
A man cannot complete you, God is not in the business of incomplete works. He is a God of great and complete works, who declared ‘It is finished’ even at the cross.
We have come to be believe men complete us in these ways:
Materially: There are some of us who believe we need to be materially taken care of by a man. We even make it a life goal to only date and get married to men with a certain amount of wealth. But materially speaking, when you look at the Proverbs 31 woman who every Christian woman wants to emulate, she was the breadwinner in her home. She was not waiting on her husband to provide, she was a business woman and her husband ‘found’ materially complete on her own.
Emotionally: You do not need a man to love you to feel emotionally complete. The greatest love you can ever receive and experience is the love of God. It is pure, it is faithful, it forgives, its unfailing, its uncontainable and transcends into eternity. God’s love for you is not dependent on what you did, what you will do or what you look like, after all he loved you and died for you before you were even.
But a man’s love will never be all these things it can only strive to get to that level but will always fall short.
Spiritually: Sadly some women believe that their call/ministries or better yet destinies only begin once they have a man. But how can that possibly be, when at judgment every man stands alone before God? My sister when we are born, we are born with a purpose and giftings already deposited in us, so how can we put your lives on halt waiting for this man to come for our lives to begin
Truth is we won’t all get married. Research has shown that the ratio of women to men widens the older we get; which mean there will be less men available as we get older. So if a man is for completion then I guess it would mean some of us will go to the grave incomplete.
That's the truth.
Walking with a man is one of the most pleasurable journeys to go on but it takes work. All relationships take work. A relationship is like a garden it cannot flourish when you are not weeding, fertilizing and watering it.
I believe that as women we have been deceived by television programs, movies, magazines, books, songs and social media into believing that relationships are meant to be fairytales. Its not a Mills and Boon book, or Cinderella happily ever after story. Its real people, real issues.
Love to the majority of us is being completed or rescued by a man; or being materially taken care of and romanced; we naively believe that it all leads to him popping the big question and wearing the wedding dress. This love that I have just described has disappointed a lot of us women. Men have rescued us then dumped us, romanced us then dropped us back to reality, promised us marriage and left us with promise ring and as single moms. Why? Perhaps it’s the lies we have believed about relationships, love and romance.
Myth 1: Love is romance
Truth: Love is patient, kind, it is not self-seeking, always hopes and always perseveres 1 Corinthians 13 v4-7
Here is what I gleaned from the oxford and dictionary;
Romance:
a): to give special attention to (someone) in order to get something that you want from that person
b): to talk about something in a way that makes it seem better than it really is
When a men is interested in a relationship with you he starts by getting flowers, writing love letters, buying gifts, and the candle lit dinners as part of the romance. Too often when you agree to date him, then it all abruptly stops, then you start complaining and feeling like things have changed and the arguments start, but the truth is he didn’t change he got what he wanted and that’s what romance by definition is. You are simply now in the real relationship phase.I am not saying that men should not do any of this as a sign of appreciation but I am saying you must understand that it is not what constitutes the relationship or love.
Santa doesn’t exist, and when we tell our children that they get heartbroken but they seize to care once they realize that regardless of whether he exists or not they still get presents on Christmas. Likewise I am asking us as women to accept that romance is not what makes a relationship but we can still get the flowers and special occasion gifts.
Tell me if the man sent you flowers every day or sent you love notes every other day what would it do? Would it make you more prayerful? No! Would it make you win more would for the kingdom? No. Would it even draw you closer to God? No. In all truth all it would do is it would make you daydream about him more and walk around feeling good for that day.
Myth 2: A man completes me
Truth: A man complements you
A man cannot complete you, God is not in the business of incomplete works. He is a God of great and complete works, who declared ‘It is finished’ even at the cross.
We have come to be believe men complete us in these ways:
Materially: There are some of us who believe we need to be materially taken care of by a man. We even make it a life goal to only date and get married to men with a certain amount of wealth. But materially speaking, when you look at the Proverbs 31 woman who every Christian woman wants to emulate, she was the breadwinner in her home. She was not waiting on her husband to provide, she was a business woman and her husband ‘found’ materially complete on her own.
Emotionally: You do not need a man to love you to feel emotionally complete. The greatest love you can ever receive and experience is the love of God. It is pure, it is faithful, it forgives, its unfailing, its uncontainable and transcends into eternity. God’s love for you is not dependent on what you did, what you will do or what you look like, after all he loved you and died for you before you were even.
But a man’s love will never be all these things it can only strive to get to that level but will always fall short.
Spiritually: Sadly some women believe that their call/ministries or better yet destinies only begin once they have a man. But how can that possibly be, when at judgment every man stands alone before God? My sister when we are born, we are born with a purpose and giftings already deposited in us, so how can we put your lives on halt waiting for this man to come for our lives to begin
Truth is we won’t all get married. Research has shown that the ratio of women to men widens the older we get; which mean there will be less men available as we get older. So if a man is for completion then I guess it would mean some of us will go to the grave incomplete.
That's the truth.
