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A Monster List Of 30 REALLY DUMB Online Personality Disorders

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Jeanh, Aug 13, 2015.

  1. We all know one. ‘That guy’ – a person in one of your online networks that makes you go “not again!” or “is this woman for real?!”. We’re talking about social media personality disorders. People who don’t understand how the online world works but ignorantly abuse it to fulfil their objectives anyway and succeed in p***ing people off.

    Social Media Golden Rule: “Do not do unto others online what you would not want done unto you in the real world.”

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    Here’s a comprehensive mix of idiots in no particular order. Enjoy!
    # 1. The follower-buyer
    People who buy followers on Twitter. Really?! REALLY???!!!! Years ago when Bebo was a teen paradise some kids found ‘cheats’ to get more loves on their profile. Grown adults buying followers is just in-excusable and really stupid. What can be gained by buying followers from profiles that add no value? Somebody tell us, please.

    Buying followers on Facebook is misguided too. Chances are these ‘followers’ aren’t real people to begin with. They are probably virtual avatars in false accounts being generated in the social media equivalent of a sweatshop somewhere in Central or South Asia. Nice!

    # 2. The troll
    Ah yes. The troll. Someone who enjoys provoking thoughts of hatred by posting off-topic rubbish in online forums and threads. They’re everywhere. From online gaming to news sites. The unfortunate part is that they’d simply love to see this post as we’re giving them credit. That’s their kick. Winding people up. Ignoring them is the cure!

    # 3. The spammer
    Please, please, please, please, pppllleeeeeaassseeee buy this. Please… A little like the troll, they are hijacking conversations everywhere. Of course email is also another weapon of choice. A major recommendation when getting mails from Uganda asking you to cash in on your millions is just to actually respond and wind them up. Don’t click on any links and it’s actually best not to open the mail at all, but sometimes temptation overcomes us and a hilarious conversation is born. My personal favourite is asking them to buy me a dog. “But I don’t want a million dollars, I just want a poodle?”. Slowly but surely they get abrasive and angry. Very funny. Really creeping up on Twitter too with people asking you to buy followers.

    # 4. The keyboard warrior
    You’re so brave right now. Hiding behind the keys talking macho and abusing people in the thread. The rule is, don’t say anything online you wouldn’t say to someone’s face.

    # 5. The circle jerker
    Twitter seems to be worst for the circle jerk. The same bunch of people telling each other they’re great over and over. Oh no, please, YOUR conference was better or your post was just so refreshing. The exact same thing will be bounce back to them in a few days. LinkedIn is a bit like that. Endorsing people for skills that you know they’re not good at or even better, endorsing them for skills when you actually don’t know that person. A good experiment is add one skill what you have absolutely NO knowledge of. If people endorse you, then you know it’s baloney.

    # 6. The waffler
    Again LinkedIn is the king when it comes to this. Some people need to think before they post up content on their profile. My favourite is one guy in our network had ‘specialities’ in absolutely EVERYTHING. Reading his profile would make Larry Ellison feel insecure. The funny thing is that people actually switch off straight away so doing it is self-defeating.

    # 7. The random bandit
    Not everything is ‘random’. Facebook posts like this get under our skin, “Just bumped into Connor and Elish on the way to work. So random.” No it’s not random considering you live in the same area and take the same bus route. Please look up the definition of random.

    # 8. The LinkedIn sales douche
    Similar to our spammer, these guys just add you without knowing you or putting a personal message together when they invite you to connect. The answer. It’s called ‘decline’ or ask them how you know them and why they want to connect.

    # 9. The pointless SUPER NEEDY status addict
    Why tweet that you’re tired? No one cares. Why post up on Facebook that you’re ‘so excited’. Finish the status. Why are you excited? These posts really bug us and these people are just looking for attention. Nine times out of ten, if you ask they’ll come back with some smart- response like ‘You’ll see in time’. No we won’t. We’ll have forgotten about it in five minutes.

    # 10. The Friday feeler
    Friday memes. “Yay it’s Friday.” Nothing wrong with these except that every company and everybody out there is doing them. We should create memes and release them on Facebook on a Friday that say ‘Yay, only two days until Monday morning’. Be original with your content or people will not engage.

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    # 11. The acronym addict
    Like WTF is with these people? People who use acronyms make me LMAO. LOL. IMHO, they should not be used! TTYL. Ugh…

    # 12. The not sharing is not caring type
    Don’t you just hate it when people share photos that say things like ‘If you don’t share this, you have no heart’? You have a heart right and you didn’t share? Perhaps you realise that sharing these photos won’t solve a problem that people are already aware of. It’s like the chain letters of social media! Get off your to make a difference.

    # 13. The SEO expert
    You’re an SEO expert ya? Well when why are you PMing me on every platform out there when I’m ranking as number 1 on Google on all the main search terms. Do your research or even better, please stop.

    # 14. The miracle doctor
    You have magic pills that will make irresistible to the opposite ? Wow. I too am going to perform a miracle. I’m going to make you disappear by blocking you or by adding you to my spam folder.

    # 15. The way too personal toucher feeler
    Have you ever had a friend post something on Twitter or Facebook that made you go “NO! They did not post that?”. A regular occurrence is people slamming their family or quarrelling with family members online. Keep it classy. Keep it offline.

    # 16. The business ‘friend’
    Stop adding me as a friend if you’re a business. That’s wrong. You shouldn’t have access to my info like that. If a business does it to you just tell them in a friendly way that they shouldn’t of or report the page! There’s even tools provided by Facebook to merge over contacts from a personal page to a business one.

    # 17. The text message speaker
    Don’t use ‘gr8’, ‘u’ etc. on Facebook or any social network. You have characters. Use them. Twitter sometimes to be fair you have to shorten things, but otherwise no.

    # 18. The instant natterer
    Instant chatter can turn into instant natter when people won’t go AWAY on instant messaging. It’s a great way to chat but when you’re busy and ask people politely to come back to you later but… they just keep pinging. Would you poke someone over-and-over in the face when they ask you to stop? No, you wouldn’t so don’t do it online either.

    What’s worse are the IM chats from someone looking to alleviate their loneliness and boredom (understandable), yet (and here is the real crime) they are not forthcoming with anything interesting to say and expect you to do all the work in the conversation. Here’s an example;

    • Hi!
    • (Me) Yes?
    • Just saying Hi! What you up to?
    • (Me) Thoroughly swamped at my desk right now (Big Hint)
    • Oh..Did you have a nice weekend?
    • At this point I scream silently into my double espresso.
    • (Me) Nothing much. You?
    • Oh.. Nothing….
    # 19. The social media immunity type
    This personality believes there are two sets of rules. One for them and another for everyone else. They may have some credibility and status in the social sphere but don’t follow the rules. They believe that the 18 personality types above are disgraceful but think they have immunity from the behaviour because they simply think their status means they can exercise the exception to all the rules. Nope. You can’t.

    # 20. The Parent Trap
    As one of us is a parent, we can of course understand the insatiable desire to share the overwhelmingly cute pics and antics of our offspring. It is indeed tempting, but people who over-post their children’s antics and images can be off-putting if not displaying downright dangerous Social Media behaviour.

    • Parents who reveal too much information about their child’s name, address and whereabouts are running the risk of placing their kids in danger online and offline.
    • They don’t realize other people could really be more interested in grown up thoughts and opinions on other topics too. EVERY post on Instagram, FB or Twitter doesn’t really need to be all about your child.
    • And don’t get me started on people who use their children’s pics as an avatar… I confess I do post about my kid and family events but try to keep them to relevant circles.
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    # 21. The Emoticon Junkie
    Yes you discovered the Emoticons and yes, I am glad you know how to use them, but more than one in every other message / sentence / line? There is a part of me – the part that is no longer in high school – that actually gets irate at the sight of too many emoticons in a message. Call me literary and old fashioned, but I occasionally yearn for a conversation with someone who is able to articulate emotion using the written word.

    # 22. The Stalker – Toxic Bachelor
    This one I hope, all the girls can relate to: (says Elish)

    Nope I am not going to connect with you on LinkedIn or Facebook etc., because

    a) You just sent me an introductory message telling me how much you love my smile and what a pretty lady I am on LinkedIn of all places.

    b) I can tell by your existing Facebook profile of connections that you collect pretty gals only.

    # 23. The LinkedIn over-endorser
    I am flattered that you think I am an expert at ..(Insert your skill here).. but really? You live on the other side of the world and we have never done any business together. If you want my attention or my business I actually am compassionate enough to read a simple message. In totality this behaviour just leads to Endorsement Inflation and makes the ones I do have seem not quite as valuable any more.

    # 24. The Foodstagram Glutton
    We have all seen them, the steady stream of innocuous cups of coffees, pastry, lunchtime sandwiches and plates of nouvelle cuisine or even worse really mundane looking bistro food. It’s not that we have never done it ourselves, it’s just that we don’t want to see EVERY single boring meal go through our Instagram, Foursquare and Facebook feed. We love foodie pics better when you practise some quality control. Try posting the special stuff mostly like that once in a lifetime visit to your dream Michelin Star restaurant, that super spread you made all by yourself, food art or star quality dishes. (Stay tuned for an upcoming post on the foodstagram debate)

    # 25. The Social Media Anxiety Sufferer
    Don’t be a victim either. Don’t fall prey to the self loathing and creeping notions of inadequacy when scanning the seemingly superior lifestyles of others across your social media sites. Too much exposure to crafty pinterest pics from Martha Stewart types can make you break out in a sweat over your lack of creativity.

    Your inability to recreate origami masterpieces at the last party is not a sign of failure. LinkedIn makes us wonder where we went wrong on our inferior career history and Facebook statuses rife with social butterflies or travel plans can give you FOMO ( fear of missing out). Don’t forget other people can have shitty grey lives too, they just don’t advertise that bit as much.

    # 26. The preacher
    While this post is about these heinous personality types, it shouldn’t give rise to people actually going out of their way to find and provoke people who are guilty. Don’t preach and don’t slam or insult other people. Lead by example only. That’s it. Don’t preach, just practice and don’t think you’re better than everyone else because you do, online or off.

    # 27. The Conference Hashtag pirâtê
    Doesn’t it really annoy you when people hi-jack a conference hashtag to advertise? There you are scanning the feed to see who’s saying what and to find out if you can meet-up with anyone of interest. There’s plenty to meet up with using the hashtag alright! A lot of them are not actually there, but waiting in an apartment nearby to discuss more elements involved with more ‘traditional’ professions. It’s not all seedy. Some people are just plain spamming. If you’re not there or can’t add anything to the topic being discussed at that time, just leave it alone for the rest of us.

    # 28. Online Bullies
    OK, so we somewhat covered this in the ‘Keyboard Warrior’ except this takes it to a whole other level. People who are racist, sexist, sectarian etc. online. Hurling abuse is one thing. Insulting a whole ethnicity doing it is another. Plenty examples out there that I’m sure you are aware of. No way are they getting ‘airtime’ on this post.

    # 29. The Content Stealer
    You post something up. Then low and behold, someone posts it 5 minutes later on Facebook. But… they don’t share it. They blatently steal it from an obscure source you’ve been following. It’s especially noticeable if it’s old content. Stop stealing. Either share, RT or just find your own material bub!

    # 30. The Two-facer
    Yes, we know. It’s not a word. But these people agree with everything you say offline every time you meet yet project a totally different attitude and perception of things online. You do realise we follow you yes? So why congratulate us on a post and then diss it online thinking we won’t see? Perhaps you should invest in some common sense!
    bladesofsins and lablab like this.
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